Rosanna Rundlöf 1 2020-05-13 16:40 Varför jag flyttade från LA Det har ju gått lite tid sedan jag skrev senast, och mycket har hänt. Framför allt - jag flyttade hem till Sverige i januari, efter fyra år i USA. Jag trodde ju att jag skulle vilja bo i LA för resten av livet, vad det än skulle kosta. Men under åren så förändrades min syn på saken. När folk frågade mig vad jag gillade med LA så brukade jag svara ”spänningen och äventyren”, eller något sånt. Men mot slutet kunde jag inte riktigt säga det, utan att vara oärlig med mig själv. Allt hade blivit vardag. När jag insåg att...
Rosanna Rundlöf 0 2020-01-26 20:07 Bye LA (for real now?) I used to think I would live in LA forever, or as long as I could, no matter the cost. I was so in love with this city, but as 4 years went by, my thoughts and feelings slowly changed. I still love it, but there are so many other places of the world to see and paths that I can't explore if I stay in this loop that I'm somehow stuck in. I finally realized that I have no other option than to follow my intuition. It is very sad to leave everything, but nothing can stop me from...
Rosanna Rundlöf 1 2020-01-05 01:21 Happy New Year! Jag har blandade känslor över 2019. Det fanns många sorgliga stunder, men i det stora hela så är jag nöjd. Det var bättre än 2018, och för det är jag tacksam! Något som alltid får mitt hjärta att slå snabbare: att tänka på var jag var när året startade jämfört med nu. Allting jag inte visste. Jag var nyfiken och förväntansfull. Jag hade en massa oskrivna blad framför mig. Jag undrade, var kommer jag att vara ett år från och med nu? Vilka beslut kom jag att ta, vilka människor mötte jag? Nu vet jag svaren. Och jag har nya...
Rosanna Rundlöf 3 2019-12-30 21:14 LA Christmas God jul från mig! Mina årliga julkort blev denna år utan en tomteluva. Men jag hittade iallafall en gran! Jag hade ångest inför julen i flera veckor innan. Jag brukar i och för sig ha det, men nu var det för att jag inte skulle fira hemma i Sverige med min familj. Jag blev så avis när jag såg alla andra packa sina väskor och sätta sig på flygplan för att resa hem till familjen. Det är verkligen någonting med att "come home for Christmas". Men, jag hade en jättefin jul ändå här i LA. Gosia lagade polsk julmat, jag...
Rosanna Rundlöf 7 2019-07-31 12:58 Boktips: Utan personligt ansvar Just some thoughts about a book I just read in Swedish:Jag har nyss läst Utan personligt ansvar av Lena Andersson. För några år sen läste jag den prisbelönade Egenmäktigt förfarande, som jag älskade, och detta är fortsättningen. Böcker handlar om Ester Nilsson, en kvinna med alldeles för mycket hopp. Hon är som mig, fast tusen gånger värre. Riktigt jobbig ibland faktiskt. Hon är inte dum, tvärtom väldigt intelligent. Hon har ett bra jobb som skribent, men när det gäller kärleksrelationer går det inte så bra. Hon träffar män som är helt otillgängliga och tolkar ord och handlingar så att det...
Rosanna Rundlöf 32 2019-07-25 21:21 A cat in the house I was a little worried about coming home, because I knew my sweet pets wouldn't be there. I begged my mom and sister to get a new cat and dog before my homecoming, because I said I couldn't handle coming home without being greeted by an animal. But it didn't happen. What did happen though, was that our neighbour's cat started to hang out at our place. This cat and my cat Jesus used to fight a lot. They were enemies. Because of that, I didn't like that cat. We always scared him away when he approached our house. Right...
Rosanna Rundlöf 2 2019-07-23 23:09 LA > Sweden 2019 I made it to Sweden! This time I travelled with Delta Airlines / KLM because I had enough of the tiny legspace on the Norwegian flights and I wanted more food and an open bar. I didn't know what it would look like, but I pictured myself meeting my future husband in an airplane bar. I even tried out outfits before heading to the airport. But there wasn't any bars, at least not in my section, and I don't think my future husband was on my flight anyway. Anyhow, I was lucky to have an empty space beside me. Then...
Rosanna Rundlöf 3 2019-07-10 04:29 How do I jump back in time If a book makes you cry, it must be good. At least, I hope that’s what it means. Reading my old diaries always makes me cry so hopefully that means they are masterpieces (or that they're just really tragic). I just finished reading The Rules Do Not Apply by Ariel Levy and one thing made me cry. I sat out by my pool and read “The only thing I wanted to learn was how to take what happened and undo it. I knew I couldn’t say it loud, but I stared at the doctor and willed him to answer my...
Rosanna Rundlöf 7 2019-07-08 06:58 Malibu Adventures I went on a little trip to Malibu, and it was so much fun! Paradise Cove, to be exact. It was truly a paradise. I love being by the beach. Especially when the water is actually blue (not greyish like in central LA). At this restaurant you could literally sit with your feet in the sand.Birds everywhere!Here's where I'm happy!That couple to the right - goals.Who's going with me next?!...
Rosanna Rundlöf 1 2019-07-06 23:52 I met a horse Is it true that everything happens for a reason? When I run into horses at Venice Beach, I can't help but think so. I was so surprised to see the police horses chilling in the grass and even more happy when the police man let me pet his horse. I was like a kid. I felt like the 10-year-old me again - I wrote "horses forever" or "häst är bäst" (horses are the best) everywhere and I created my own horse magazine (I think it was named "Häst är Bäst"). My biggest wish was to own a horse. When I...
Rosanna Rundlöf 0 2019-06-27 03:32 How to get over someone I recently realized that the day has come. The day I never thought would come. The day I am over someone. But it’s not like I thought it would be. It’s more like, I’m no longer waiting for the person to contact me. I still miss him sometimes. But it is in a different way now. It’s more like “oh, I wish things would have worked out, too bad it didn’t”. It’s no longer accompanied with a cry session (except maybe if combined with a PMS period). But that’s rare nowadays. I got new, different things to worry about. And...
Rosanna Rundlöf 24 2019-06-27 03:32 How to get over someone (it’s not how you think it is) I recently realized that the day has come. The day I never thought would come. The day I am over someone. But it’s not like I thought it would be. It’s more like, I’m no longer waiting for the person to contact me. I still miss him sometimes. But it is in a different way now. It’s more like “oh, I wish things would have worked out, too bad it didn’t”. It’s no longer accompanied with a cry session (except maybe if combined with a PMS period). But that’s rare nowadays. I got new, different things to worry about. And...
Rosanna Rundlöf 10 2019-06-26 03:23 Happiness is not a destination When I was at a conference a few weeks ago, I got a book in my goodie bag called Lifescale. I have just finished reading it, and it really had an impact on me. I’ve heard it before, but I never understood it until now. Happiness is not a destination. It’s not like arriving to an island, and then you’ll stay there. You have to work for it every day. It’s like gaining or losing weight. I used to think that I needed this or that to be happy. While I am still working to reach those things, I must...
Rosanna Rundlöf 19 2019-05-25 07:46 Mental Health Awareness Month May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I wanted to contribute to make people aware since it is an important topic to me. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as being physically healthy. So, talking about it shouldn’t be such a hard thing to do. Yet, I sometimes doubt whether I should tell people I don’t know about going in therapy and eating medication, because some people think you need to be a complete psycho to do that. Most people think that I’m “calm”. Since I’m an introvert, I don’t show a lot of emotions on...
Rosanna Rundlöf 9 2019-05-07 20:23 Learning about my brain One of the classes I take at the moment is biopsychology. I’m really interested in psychology, especially after going to therapy for years and taking the introduction class a year ago. I knew that this class was gonna be slightly more difficult, but yeez… I had never taken a biology class at all before, so this was a lot of new information. Still very interesting, though. I’m happy that I have a professor who is a great lecturer. I never look at the phone or feel that my mind drift away during the lectures, and all of a sudden, one...
Rosanna Rundlöf 12 2019-04-15 06:24 April Update It’s been a little over two months since my pets passed away. Weirdly enough, I don’t think about it that much. It’s just too hard. When I go through old pictures in my phone, I skip the parts when I was home in Sweden because I can’t look at pictures of my pets. I let one part of my brain believe that everything is as usual. Next time I come home, I’ll probably let it all out. I know that there’s no point right now. When people ask me what I did for fun last weekend, I say “nothing special”....
Rosanna Rundlöf 0 2019-04-10 06:20 I was put in a mental institution for being sad This happened three years ago, so I now feel safe to tell my story of what happened when I went to see a counselor at Santa Monica College and ended up at a mental institution. Just one of those normal days in my dramatic life It was a warm and sunny Friday in Los Angeles, but my mind was covered in darkness. I had gotten a last minute appointment with the school counselor at 11am. I didn’t feel like myself that day, I was so sad. When he asked me if I had any thoughts of taking my own life,...
Rosanna Rundlöf 15 2019-03-11 05:36 Dealing with loss We switched things around, so now I've got a new room and a new bed. Seriously, I've had such a hard time getting up in the morning because my bed is so comfy. And it's so cold these days! It's been so long since the last time I was able to suntan, and now I'm pale as a ghost. Anyway, I like a change of scenary. In this room, there's no history. I'm way too nostalgic so I need to get rid of things sometimes so that it won't bring back memories. Another reason why it has become harder getting...
Rosanna Rundlöf 16 2019-02-27 22:25 To lose a pet Something terrible has happened. My cat Jesus passed away. It's weird because I feel so numb. I barely cry. It's the nightmare that I've feared for so long. It's real now, I think. It doesn't feel real. To me it’s not really gonna make a difference right now, since I don’t see him everyday anyway. The only thought that makes me cry is “never”. I can’t think in that way. That I’ll never see him again. Not in this life, anyway.He’s safe now and not in pain. It’s weird, I feel like something in me is missing. But maybe something...
Rosanna Rundlöf 15 2019-01-16 01:21 Accepting Crumbles I had some reflection time and I thought about this: I have never had a real relationship. What I have had is crumbles. People have always told me, don't accept crumbles when you deserve the whole piece of bread. Or as I use to think, a piece of candy from a bag full of candy. Is it just me or does that not really make any sense. Yes, I deserve the world and the very best. But isn't one piece of candy better than no piece of candy at all? If I had never accepted crumbles, I would never have...
Rosanna Rundlöf 4 2019-01-15 03:24 Three Weeks at Home (One the plane from Sweden to LA) You know how I can't deal with goodbyes. I just can't. But I'm ok. I turned off my feelings and I almost already forgot what it's like to be home. I had the best three weeks of my life! Well, sort of. I like to exaggerate. It's dangerous to go home. Because it hurts to leave. I'll never get better at goodbyes. I told myself and my family that I might come home again in a few weeks, that it wouldn't be six months before I see them again. I can't think in...
